The Very Best of the P Family's Original, Authentic, Genuine Humor!!
See more (and more frequently updated!) Quotables here...
See more (and more frequently updated!) Quotables here...
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Hannah: Wow, your mandolin rang when I said that.
Sarah: Yeah. My mandolin’s very musical.
Joe: Is Jane Fairfax the villain?
Hannah: No, she’s the brunette.
Mom: So, Abby, have you got a happy heart now?
Abby: (grumpily) Yes.
*pause*
M: Okay, let me see your cheerful smile!
A: (quietly) Yes ma’am.
*issues weak smile*
M: What kind of a smile is that? Try again. Say “Yes ma’am!” and smile!
A: (through gritted teeth) I can’t smile and TALK!
Sarah: But the main character! What’s the point of that?
Roberta: Well, sometimes main characters do die, you know. Sometimes that’s the whole story.
S: Well, my main character isn’t getting killed off. He’s as healthy as a cucumber.
Abby: Hey, Mom, can I tell you a joke?
Mom: Sure.
A: Okay, so if you’re in a room with no windows or doors and no way to get out, with a mirror and a table, what do you do?
M: Uhhh…
A: (triumphantly) You look in the mirror, see what you saw, cut the table in half, and climb out the hole!!
All of us: *total silence*
A: Don’t you get it?!
Joe: (slowly) I think what you mean is… you look in the mirror… see what you saw…
Sarah: Pick up the saw, cut the table in half, put the two halves together…
A: (once again triumphant) And climb out the whole!!
Abby: Mom, you know that thing that you put around your arm so you can tell how fast your heart is going?
Mom: Oh, you mean the blood pressure cuff.
A: Yeah, well, Mom, let me tell you how fast my thumps are going.
Sarah: I don’t want to leave home just yet. You know I don’t like being alone. God said “it is not good for man to be alone,” but He didn’t say anything about Sarah.
Hannah, reading to Abby: Once upon a time there was a King, and all his daughters were beautiful, but the youngest was the mos-…never mind.
Sarah (coming out of the theater after watching Tangled): Hannah, did you see, did you see? Flynn has brown eyes!! (*dreamily*) My kind of hero…
Hannah: (musing over why cowboys raise their hats to women out of courtesy) Doesn’t it make you wonder; I mean, where did that come from? Because they want to show off their hairdos?
Hannah: (puzzling out the final outcome of a card game) So…I would play this one…(taps one of her cards, looks up at Sarah, who is holding her last card in hand) and you would play that one…
Sarah: (aghast) How did you know?
Abby: Berta, will I be famous?
Roberta: Well, why would you be famous?
A: My birthday is on President’s Day. Will that make me famous?
R: No. That won’t make you famous. Why; did you want to be?
A: Well, it certainly is disappointing.
Hannah: Would you like to lend me some money? Like, indefinitely?
Roberta: I have a mild case of the hiccups…
Sarah: A wild case?
R: Mmmmmmild.
S: Oh.
R: You just had the wrong letter. Turn it right side up and you have the right one. (then, thoughtfully) Depending on which font you use.
Hannah: 'All the world is a stage'. Shakespeare said that, but I don’t think he knew what he was talking about.
